the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
