awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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