You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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