I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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