dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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