I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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