just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
