...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
