she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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