i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
