I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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