I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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