I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
