Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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