What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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