I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
