if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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