somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
