If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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