super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
