just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
