Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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