Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
