omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
