I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
