I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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