we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
