I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
