U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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