i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
