Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
