sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
