Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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