Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
