Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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