I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
