Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
