just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
