weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel