Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.