i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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