I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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