Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.

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  (954): I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago. http://tfl.nu/vwsn
  Replies (59) Good night (5055) Bad night (852)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.

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  (304): i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas. http://tfl.nu/zwmj
  Replies (19) Good night (4378) Bad night (1468)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..

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  (803): No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick.. http://tfl.nu/tonx
  Replies (23) Good night (6533) Bad night (1269)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.

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  (775): At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town. http://tfl.nu/0gi3
  Replies (17) Good night (4304) Bad night (905)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

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  (913): Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun. http://tfl.nu/h48x
  Replies (21) Good night (3983) Bad night (1243)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas

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  (713): The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas http://tfl.nu/0bvq
  Replies (3) Good night (2687) Bad night (869)
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  (805): View more from California

  Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.

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  (805): Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren. http://tfl.nu/c1hy
  Replies (3) Good night (2395) Bad night (1258)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  my head hurts. i need an adult

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult

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  (225): my head hurts. i need an adult (225): and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult http://tfl.nu/wl1h
  Replies (4) Good night (2070) Bad night (723)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?

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  (717): I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen? http://tfl.nu/h6xb
  Replies (10) Good night (540) Bad night (906)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.

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  (910): I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex. http://tfl.nu/1bgl
  Replies (8) Good night (1913) Bad night (566)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car

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  (803): Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8fhk
  Replies (6) Good night (1208) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.

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  (859): Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down. http://tfl.nu/u8oc
  Replies (15) Good night (1268) Bad night (440)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message

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  (203): I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message http://tfl.nu/s744
  Replies (0) Good night (668) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle

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  (512): I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle http://tfl.nu/8dq3
  Replies (0) Good night (574) Bad night (306)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?

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  (501): okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy? http://tfl.nu/u6yi
  Replies (7) Good night (913) Bad night (272)

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