This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
