would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.