He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.