her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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