remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
