its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
