After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
