Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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