he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
