I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
