Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
