Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
