gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
