I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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