the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
