Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
