dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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