i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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