Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
