If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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