He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
