I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
