Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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