My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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