Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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