Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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