I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
