and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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