Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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