I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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