I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize